sand, shell and the reason

I am sand, I am shell, but behind all these names there is a reason.
The reason for looking ahead, the reason for breathing. The reason is You.
I am a human. My biggest sin is loving you. My crime is being born some place else.
Maybe things look hard, but they are there to show us how much we can.
Life is not working well paid jobs. Life is not being some where your parents dictate. Life is not adding an entry to your C.V.
Life is feeding you fruit. Sitting on the bench, watching the river goes by. Life is listening to you sing a song. Life is listening to you, scolding me all the time.
Test my love. Scare it by whatever come to your mind. My love is inside a shell. No one can touch it.
The reasons for being with you is like counting the number of sand pebbles. You are the reason. I am the sand. I am the shell. Let this happen.

20081024

Dining with parents. They tell me I've brought London's weather with me here. I feel the way now accept me. They see this new picture of me. Implicitly and explicitly they want me to stay. That's what they want. But they realize that there is also a more important thing. They want the me to be happy and to respect my decisions.
I understand how your parents feel. I feel sad when I read those lines. But they do not see the situation from other angles. We want to be happy. I will make whatever I can to make you happy. And I am not taking you away forever. I am ready to sacrifice everything, dreams to be with you. This is like a temporary period. They should also how much we care about each other. I am not going to take you away for a long time. We will come back.

20081022

It's been a while. I haven't bullshitted here for a long time but you know my life clearer than ever. Don't you think it's like a relationship between inspector and criminal, that you won't feel satisfied until you know exactly what food I eat what TV I watch what time I sleep? Anyway I'm not complaining, I just want to emphasize our intimacy over the ocean(s). Congratulations again to your HOPE. I guess you might have been jumping up and down for weeks already and now even bouncing here and there! Stop moving around and sit quietly as a decent guy please. Stop scratching the walls and speak normally as a scholar please. For God's sake.

20081020

Sometimes the simplest things turns to be a trouble. And finally the news is that the ticket to your place will cost something like £500 and there is no direct fly. I think I should make it like I can do a few things in that time apart from 48 hours planned schedule.

Chinese Made Easy

Are you interested in learning Chinese?

20081017

I dont know why IT stuff has installed novel on your lap-top. But we can use all the softwares you have declared as ok.
Today I am a little bit better with a little bit headache. Maybe I have to come and see you. I know it is not good time for you, but at least i wanna know how much it will cost me.
I hope you relax this weekend and feel better. Enjoy your weekend.

aai...

i have pc problem, after IT staff setting up Novell Login in my pc, i can't online properly at home now: Internet explorer NOT OK, Mozilla Firefox OK, MSN NOT OK, Skype OK!

20081015

Life is a like long road,
some kilometers easy to pass, some hard.
Sometimes you reach a bend in the road
sometimes you bump to a tree blocking the whole way ahead
Hope is like fuel to your engine
You can not make your way without it
You are my fuel in life
It is not about shirt A or B
It is about the beauty of your intention
You are the motivation to keep me going on this journey
That's the moment you realize nothing can stop you
The best part is waiting for us
We have just reached a bend

20081014

Shirt A & Shirt B

20081014

Staying at home and waiting is the hardest thing one can do. I have turned to a house wife. Doing shopping, cleaning and now I am making pickles. Studying feels much better.
Today i am gonna see that guy again. He seems so interested in this thing and for me sounds like a good plan. Well it is not one day plan, requires lots of planning and thinking , but at least it can be more productive time.
If u need any advice with cooking or house-hold stuff let me know.

Aydin the genius!

Existentialism - Ching Ching 2008

20081013

You know I never brag myelf. I just came back home after interview and found a big book squeenzed into my mail box. It was King's College Graduate Prospectus 2009. Why did they send me this? coz...

I'm the spokeperson of my course.

Don't get jealous. You are a genius too!

20081012

My mom still is so connected with Ceaser. Everyone is missing him a lot. But she still can not get over him. If someone asks me what is the most difficlut on earth, I will say waiting. Even in exam times i didnt feel so bad. Really bad. At least studying helps.Last nite there was such heavy rain and storm that our windows were shaking. Lightining non-stop. But for me it is nice. Everything in nature is fine with me. EXCEPT heat. That's only thing I hate. So no Africa,ok? We can think of something starting with A, like Alaska.

Friends introduction 2

Just carry on with this task:

Dinner on Tuesday:
Kai (30) - non-degree holder, now 999 emergency hotline police adminstration officer.
Kai's wife (30) - non-degree holder, human resources officer for local company.
Yeung (28) - non-degree holder, event management officer.

Dinner on Thursday:
Agnes (29) - BA in Nottingham, stayed in UK for 15 years, now operation manager in a British statationary company.

Lunch on Friday:
Eric (36) - non-degree holder, he owned a small design company for 10 years, they design, print or produce.

Dinner on Friday:
Amy (50) - MA in linguistics in UK, MA in Chinese in HK, now lecturer in government vocational institute.

Tea today:
Aachino (29) - BA in Economics, now lecturer in Open University in HK.

20081011

I did not get much sleep last nite, actually I didnt sleep at all. And this morning I had to wake up early cause my mom needed help with some stuff. Then I went and managed some of my dad's stuff. There is a long list of people I should go and visit but I dont feel like doing it.

Back to studying. Maybe I should brush my French a little bit. Who know when I should order food for you in some french speaking country.

Update me cause I wanna know what has happened.

20081010

1000 - Happy that need not to wake up so early, finally can sleep for 8 hours.
1100 - Surfed on net: School A & B wanted long term teacher, School C wanted supply teacher. So I faxed my CV to them all.
1300 - Lunch with Eric, a friend.
1500 - Walked around in town centre alone. Eating local snacks on the street, with my vest/shorts/flipflops, School A suddenly called me and asked me to have an interview at 1700.
I hate it but still got back home to get changed and took a cab to that school far far away.
1700 - Long interview with English panal head, then Vice Principal. Really chi sin! They asked questions non-stop! blalblalbalalblla.
1930 - Dinner with Amy, my 'personal advisor' all my life.
2130 - School B called me for an interview on Monday.
2300 - Came back home and felt annoyed with a guy in MSN.

20081009

I can not be so precise on commenting to that proposal, but at least he had to remove the price label. At least he could have figured out the plan, instead of wandering around. And what is the purpose of wedding? I think that's the moment that you will remember for whole life. Then why u should not make your partner happy, is that's what she wants. 

In our culture short and stocky is a symbol of dishonesty, but ofcourse you can not and you should not generalize it. The bottom line, sincereity is something that everyone can feel it, no matter where are you from, cultural differences. You can feel it, the first time you meet someone. So as a friend I think it is your responsibility to give her a little bit warning. 

I had to see this teacher yesterday evening. She is the one that changed my whole life. When every regarded me as a failure she was the only believed in me. All of these things happened, even we meeting each other was because of her constant encouragement. I have told a lot about her, but the point i wanna make here is life is a direct results of your beliefs. 

I went there with a box of candies. And her mo liu husband told me "why you didnt bring us any pickles?"

Crystal's proposal

One night after dinner, Lofai insisted to take Crystal to a park for a walk at 11pm. She's a bit tired though coz of her flu. Sitting and chatting on the swings in a dark quiet park, he suddenly took this little wooden music box out and manually turned the wooden knot on the side. Wedding tunes thus came. He then stopped turning and music stopped accordingly. He knelt down, took the ring out, and proposed seriously.

As a creative director, is it creative enough? I know I have bias towards Lofai yet there are really quite a few things that I don't feel comfortable with:

1. This guy claimed that he got many many creative plans for proposal and finally chose this one. What's special about this one by the way.

2. There's no need to be special but I just doubt his sincerity. He couldn't find the way to the park and wandered around that area until Crystal wanted to get back home. It seems that he's just finding a quiet place at that moment. Obviously not a well planned night.

3. When he's proposing, he said all the elements were there: romantic music, a ring and flowers (he said the tree on the music box is flowers).

4. He didn't remove the price label underneath the music box, there is a sharp pink label written $13.90.

5. Everybody knows Crystal wants a proper wedding ceremony. He doesn't want it. So they are negotiating now and Crystal is insisting a western cocktail party at least.

It seems I should not murmur too much but that's what Crystal showed me last night. I really hope I can say these things to her but just can't.

You wake me up.

I know your first reaction as you read these lines will be " hey he is angry". Well I am not. Actually I must confess I am happy. I was feeling something going wrong. I felt that. Remember in the last days u asked me if I am human? Well sometimes I wonder how it is possible to feel and know these things. I was blind until yesterday. And I felt that some vicious cycle is happening again. Among those characterisitic of you that I admire, honesty is something I aprreciate a lot. To be honest I would not stand this if I was looking for short term stuff. There are so many things I have not told about myself. I left them for you to discover. Sometimes i think i need to talk about them. Sometimes you see the finger pointing to the moon. There are certain things i can not promise you now. I can not promise a wallet full of money. But i can see a happy life. Here comes the question, which one is more important?I have looked at so many lives, rich people, poor people. I have learnt the most important thing is love. Money can buy so many things,but there are other stuff that you can not buy. Maybe I am more ambitious than you. I have learnt my lessons from life. I look back at our story. It is amazing in so many respects. It didnt get here just because of me. Actually u made so many things happen especially in the begining. When look back I can not say every single moment was happy. But I see so many good things happened in the short time. We met in a very stressful time. We did so much together. We had productive time. We bridged the gap between nations, cultures. All of these are wonderful. I have learnt also one thing, I shall not and I wont force things in a realtion. It is a mutual thing. There are so many thing why this relation between you and me is unique. But I have walked so fast. I will walk with ur pace.And try my best to makes us happy.

20081007

The internet sucks. I wrote once and all the things are gone. So I am gonna write again.
I found that being a dead vegetable is the hardest thing. It feels so bad. I prefer working. So here i am back to studying and teaching.
I found that the level of my attachment to you is incredibly higher than both of us can imagine. Even for me it is amazing. I just had a taste of it when you left fpr 3 hours to get your books. I just tocuhed when I didnt hear your voice for more than one day. For me after all it is very good sign. That's what I have been looking for. That's a sign saying "Romantic life ahead".
Getting know ur friends, even with name makes me feel like i am there, with you. Thanks for sharing these with me.
Having flu and chatting with you is nice mixture. Whenever I talk with you I forget all the bad things. I know what you are saying," chi sin".

Friends introduction

I really want you to know more about the people around me. I think I can introduce by the sequence I met after I came back:

Crystal (29) - master in sports science, now secondary teacher, getting married winter 2009.
Crystal's bf Lofai (29) - master in Oxford, chevening 2002, now creative director in international advertising company.
Sally (29) - bachelor in accounting in Australia, now executive in international event management company.
Sally's bf Ramesh (29) - Indian Malaysian, master in Oxford, chevening 2004, now manager in international eco-engineering company.
Alison (28) - MBA in Germany, after Bloomberg now executive in JP morgan, getting married Nov 2008.
Alison's bf Bill (29) - master in social science, now legislative council member in HK.
Jayson (31) - master in Bath, now studying PGDE, will teach next year.

6 people eat hotpot tonight:
Kai sir (42) - master in Japan, now manager in engineering in Canon.
Michael (36) - studying distant MBA with Beijing U, now manager in trading company in China.
Jovy (29) - studying distant MBA with Leicester UK, now excutive in CIMA (British accounting association), getting married Oct 2009.
Jovy's bf Fei (29) - dunno, property management field
Jessica (30) - bachelor in Canada, now executive in Singaporean publication company
Jessica's bf Kit (34) - dunno, logistics field

20081006

It seems I start building up relationship with your parents, which is nice, say Thanks for me whenever you feel appropriate.

I had a long night with my friends. Suddenly I want to tell you more about my friends, coz as I told you, HK people got strong attachment to friends, we share, we help, we support. Nobody can stand alone in this society esp when HK is already passing through the 'secondary industry era' back in the 80s. Starting from 90s, HK is becoming a 'tertiary industry' dominant society where services and information become the key component to success. That's why in such rapid changing region even friends gatherings are important. We can exchange a lot of information in different industry and share a lot of happiness and stress together. Tonight, a girl announced that she's getting married, another girl cried immediately. Apart from love, this is friendship.

20081006

Do you remember our first meeting? Ofcourse you do, cause I've shown you that bench at least thousands of times. You said the most important factor in judging the success of a person is to see how happy he has been. I agree with you. I put it this way: to see how successful person is to ask him if he has been in real love.

I have learnt that you can reach positions, money and .... So many people have failed to find true love.

What a gift it is. Your voice is fresh breath of heaven. Every time we talk, I feel full of life.

20081005

Dad told me he went to supermarket yesterday. He saw some plums that looked nice but didn't have enough time to stop and pick it one by one. It's just too trouble. However at that moment he saw a bag of plums which is 'already packed with priced label' so he thought: um... maybe I can just take this bag... but when he took the bag, he thought: um... maybe somebody leave it here and will come back and take it... I'd better choose the other plums there. And he did.

Dad said: sometimes there's something we just can't explain. It's your mom who left that bag of plums there.

20081003

You have me, I have you

What is more beautiful than it

Obastacles show up whenever you take your eyes off your goals

I have learnt one thing " if you can dream it, you can make it"

We are so lucky to share this beautiful dream

You are going through hard time, I am going through harder

You love me, but I love you more

You miss me, but I miss you more

I know your legs are tired, cause you have been walking in my dream all nite.

Dead?

You are not that dead, my internet connection at work and at home are really dead.
I think there must be something wrong in me. Both my home and my workplace got the same symtoms, weak wireless signal or sometimes even no signal at all.
It seems we are not going to communicate well in the coming days. Yet, don't call me so often on phone as I can imagine how costly it can be. Reading back your blue words you can see how inhumane these green words can be. ^^

the nite

I dont feel like writing a word. I felt half dead, but this was incredible. I could not help it. I had to share it with. I was sitting there and all of sudden my dad came and out of blue he asked when is she coming? He never called any of my ex with a name. This was first time. They were always gold diggers. So I felt like I was hit by truck. "I dont know, maybe not too soon". Tell her to come soon. Why? Cause you miss her too much.

I know what you think. You are thinking about problems and you are thinking I am fine. I was half dead today. I never felt so bad in whole my life. Be with me plz. The whole thing doesnt worth without you.